lost in a crowd

Ok, so it's now November and I am still in the same place being Normally Crazy.  I keep thinking and keep trying to explain to people what it is that I want to do, but when it comes out it sounds as if I have no legitimate plans.  I really am trying to move away from sounding so indecisive, so of course I just prayed and asked for God to give me clear thoughts so that when I express myself it comes across as a clear cut thing. Rather than this mush of words that probably sounds instable.  I am really feeling lost in a crowd, lonely surrounded by people that I know.  Just at a place where if I feel alone here I mine as well move.  I have too much in me just to sit here and rot from boredem and not express all of this color.  I feel like the door that people want to open to see the rainbow.  It just comes down to who has the key to unlock all of this potential.....